Repressal
by Iceworth
Summary: Repressal worked hard for generations to ensure their children grow up oblivious to their old lives... but Kathryn Janeway has always been stubborn, and her memory's coming to her more by the day. But does she really want to leave her second childhood?
1. Arrival

**Chapter One: Arrival**

_(A/N: This is slightly AU.)_

"What's your name again, darling?" said the secretary. She pulled out a drawer, flicking through files. "It was… something Janet, wasn't it? I'm sorry, dear, I don't keep up-to-date with news, however small this place is."

"Karen Janet," said the girl on the other side of the desk. She rocked back and forth on her heels, the artificial light casting a glow over her pale, greenish-skin, revealing tiny, almost invisible scales. The secretary, identical in race, if a foot higher than the girl, tapped in the name to the computer.

"That's right, Karen," said the woman. She smiled. "Karen Janet. Thank you for your reminder."

"People call me Janie," said the girl, before she could stop herself. Her Mam had to have been joking...

The woman shook her head. "First names here, darling," she said. "No last name formality. I don't know how it is in the mountains, in non-human culture, but here we only use last names when in a formal structure - such as when addressing a teacher or a superior."

"But I _want_…" At the icy look from the secretary, Janet shut up.

"You're in class one," said the secretary, looking to the computer screen. A list appeared, flickering, and the secretary glanced up and down it. "In spite of your lack of education – " Janie tried not to bristle. " – you passed the test with flying colours," the secretary's eyebrows went up. "We'll have to do something about the educational system if a vagabond like you is coming in _third_. Of course, nobody would beat Jack May or Sylvia Neuf..."

"_Third_?" said Janie, blinking.

"What did you _do_ with all of your free time?" the secretary rose an eyebrow, looking to Janie. Janie tried not to fidget as whatever sense of detached politeness the secretary had vanished. "Were you homeschooled after all?"

Janie shook her head. "Mam and Da let me teach myself," she said. "I was looking at some textbooks about quantum mechanics when – "

"Dear gods," breathed the secretary. "That's for people far older than you, young lady. Spacefaring explorers, not eleven-year girls, no matter _where_ they grew up."

Impatient, Janie clicked her tongue. The secretary ignored the sound, leaning over in her chair. Over the edge of the desk, Janie caught a glance of a machine near the floor ejecting a small, flat device. The secretary caught it one-handed, then straightened back up.

"This," said the secretary, offering the device to Janie - it nestled in the palm of her hand. "is your Personal Digital Device. Or Diary. PDD, either way. Use it for your homework and such – you'll find a map of the classrooms on it. Recess will be starting soon, so I expect you to sit with your classmates in…" the woman tapped the screen with long nails. Black digits and words came alive under her touch. Her fingers made a rhythm of beats before the screen she wanted appeared. "_this_ area," she pointed at a spot, and Janie nodded. "Just wait there – did you bring lunch?"

Janie nodded again.

"Good," the secretary smiled, contrary to her earlier words about _vagabonds_. Janie didn't have a doubt she could be a dragon if she wanted. The secretary glanced at Janie's platinum-blonde hair, which sat comfortably on her shoulders. "you should tie that up," she said, then turned back to the computer without another word.

Janie took that as the cue to leave. She turned and stepped through the sliding, automatic doors into the educational compound.

She found the classrooms soon enough - a small cluster in the bigger grounds of the facility. Ten of them bordered a single courtyard, bare save for small walls, benches and a field of grass. The familiar green spikes poking from the ground reminded Janie of her home in Spindle, and a few facts she'd learned from books... _Grass. Native to many planets... what's the scientific name again?_

Ignoring her frustration, she sat down, shedding her backpack before lugging it into her lap. She hugged it close, and found that the familiar scent of Spindle dirt soothed her. The books in there pinned her legs to the ground, but for the first time in her life, she felt too unsettled to read. The idea of being trapped in a building and told what to learn felt scary. Her parents had warned her that people here in Paris would be conservative - but she hadn't thought that they would be anything as bad as the secretary and her derision of _uneducated vagabonds_.

Strangely, Janie didn't think that the uneducated vagabonds at Spindle read about quantum mechanics. A wry smile sprung to her lips for only an instant before an ear-splitting shrill pierced the sky, and she jumped. As suddenly as it had started, it stopped. An excited buzz of voices reached her ears – and in less than a minute, doors flung open and the other children spilled into the yard.

Janie felt her heart seize in her throat. _Other children._ There hadn't been any her age in Spindle - they all had been four years above her. A tight-knit community of now-adults who had welcomed her into their fold when they'd first moved up there, when Janie was only a five-year. Even the technology had been different...

There were around a hundred and fifty, her Mam had said. They'd all grown up together as family. They'd always known there was another, who lived far away – but they'd never seen her. Mam had said she'd only spent a day in this educational facility, and if Janie couldn't remember, how were _they_ expected to?

Her mother's other words came back to her. _They have to call you Karen, sweetheart_.

It wasn't so much that Janie hated the name - she just felt uncomfortable when people addressed her by it. Her parents called her Karen in the home, but when she'd met the now-fifteen-years, they had called her Janet, or Janie. She had a dim memory of asking to be addressed by her last name, but...

_Mam and Da didn't say they would try to eat me alive_, thought Janie, feeling the stares of the less subtle students on her. How many would try to talk to her? Almost on cue, a shadow crossed her vision, and Janie looked up.

"Hi!" said a bright girl. She was quite short, to Janie's surprise. "I'm Bella. Bella Torson. You're Karen?"

_No._ "Yes," Janie said, forcing the words out. _They have to call you Karen, sweetheart. It's what the Old Ones want._ "Nice to meet you."

Bella patted her on the head. She held up her palm, and Janie touched her own to the girl's. At least they had something in common with Spindle... the simple greeting calmed her. "I'd introduce you to my best friend, but he's in detention with Kim for throwing paper balls at the teacher," said Bella, giving an impish grin.

_School's going to be much worse than I thought…_ Janie paled at the thought. "Your colleagues are violent?" she said.

"They're _friends_, not _colleagues_," Janie didn't like the derisive look Bella gave her. "Anyway, my other friends – this is Felix."

A boy even shorter than Bella stood behind her, eyeing Janie. Upon seeing her eyes on him, he flushed and looked down.

"He's usually a whole lot more hyper than that," said Bella, smirking. She sat down, fishing in a bag for some food, pulling out an oval object - a fruit that didn't grow anywhere near Spindle, from what Janie could remember. "Sometimes Sami sits with us. She's got a twin – Nami. Identical, even _I_ can't tell them apart. Toby sits with us too, but don't call him Toby to his face or he'll throw a fit."

"Okay," said Janie. The girl's ramblings were almost soothing, too - almost. Janie hated talking too much. To her relief, a lot of the students had lost interest already upon giving her a good look, but some others seemed less likely to give up...

"Back off!" Bella snapped to some who wandered too near. "She's scared! Stop scaring her!"

Janie felt her face going green with embarrassment. "It's okay," she said.

Bella rose an eyebrow. "It's okay _now_," she said, as the students scattered. "I scared them off. They don't like me much," she took a bite of the fruit. In spite of her nonchalant attitude, Janie could tell it bothered the girl a lot more than she liked to admit. "I have a bad temper."

Felix looked just as shaken by the sudden outburst as the other students, sinking into a sit on Janie's other side. When she looked at him, he smiled again, and silently dug into his food.

"And here's Tobias!" said Bella. Janie looked up. A boy marched over, with black hair cut close to his scalp and his chin held up high. He brushed past Janie - only to sit on the wall she leaned against.

"Good morning to you, Bella," he said, opening his own bag, barely giving her a look. "And you, miss Janet. I daresay it is pleasant not to listen to Felix's yammering."

Janie felt relieved. "Hi," she said. Felix chuckled.

"Formal snot," Bella rolled her eyes. "Did you see how long Timmy and Kim are inside for?"

"Half of recess," said the boy, as he chewed on a fruit identical to Bella's. "The teacher was not amused."

"I bet," Bella muttered. A giggle slipped from Janie.

"I was not either," said Tobias. He looked down at Janet. "I take disruption of my work very seriously, miss Janet. Peak concentration is a condition difficult to achieve in a classroom of other adolescents."

"Call her Karen," said Bella.

Tobias looked at Janie for confirmation.

"Janie's good," said Janie. "I don't like my first name."

"The Old Ones said we have to go by our first name!" said Bella. Janie cast her eyes down. _Not again._

"The Old Ones wish these things for no logical reason," said Tobias. "If Karen Janet wishes to be called Janie, then so be it, and I will ensure neither of us get into trouble when adults are present by addressing her as Karen. Is that to your satisfaction, Janie?"

Janie tried not to laugh. "Yeah, sure."

"Whatever," said Bella. Felix nibbled on a piece of bread, large eyes fixed on Janie.

Janie looked up, trailing her eyes across the playground. People sat and stood in clusters, mostly talking. _Strange, how tranquil they are._ In Spindle, everyone had torn around screaming. On the other side of the playground, she saw a girl with hair identical to hers, nose in a book. "Who's that?" she said.

"Who?" Bella followed Janie's gaze. "Oh, that's Sylvia. She studies during recess to _assimilate more knowledge_." Bella rolled her eyes again. "She's _weird_."

"Can I say hi?"

Bella looked at her incredulously. "If that's what you want," she said, bemused.

Janie was about to lug her bag onto her back when Tobias said, "With a bag of that weight, it is more logical if you were to leave it here until recess ends. If you choose so, I will mind it for you."

Janie put it down, glancing at Tobias. "Uh, thanks."

"You are very welcome," Tobias glanced down at the PDD in his hand.

Janie crossed the playground to Sylvia. She sat down in front of her.

"Hi," she said. "I'm J – Karen Janet."

"Are you sure?" the girl looked up at her. Her voice mimicked her movements - stiff and robotic. "You sound hesitant."

No wonder Bella thought she was _weird_. "Uh, yes," said Janie. "I'm used to my parents calling me something else – "

"The Old Ones do not approve of pet names," Sylvia looked back to her textbook.

_Well. Talk about unwelcome._ "Do you want me to leave you two alone?" she said, using a line she'd heard among the fifteen-years.

Sylvia gave her an icy look. "'Two'? Who are you talking about?"

"It's a saying," said Janie.

"Elaborate."

Somehow, Janie didn't think Sylvia would want to hear the explanation. "Never mind."

"Are you the new student?"

Janie almost jumped – she hadn't heard anyone walk to them. She glanced to Sylvia's left to see a towering boy looking at her. He seemed to hide behind sprigs of brown hair, and he hugged himself as if to make himself smaller. In spite of his body betraying shyness, he met Janie's eye with confidence and talked with a firm voice.

"No," she said. She felt her heart lighten. "I've always been here."

He gave a slight smile. "Karen Janet. Pleased to meet you," he held up his palm, and Janie touched hers to his. "My name's Jack May. People call me Jacko."

"The Old Ones do not approve of nicknames," Sylvia sniffed again.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Janie couldn't help but mutter.

Sylvia pretended not to hear.

Jacko's lip curled in amusement – his brown eyes seemed to sparkle behind his hair. _What's with his contradictive mannerisms_? Was he shy or not? _Maybe he put up a mental wall._

All the same, she felt curious about him. Already she felt drawn to him – she felt warm when he smiled at her.

It only just occurred to her that he acted as much of an adult as she did. She blinked at the revelation.

"How are you finding the school?" said Jacko.

She looked to him. "I miss my friends at Spindle," she said. "I lived up north, in the mountains, in Spindle," she said. "I was… homeschooled." Better he didn't think she was an uneducated moron. Besides, it was _sort of_ true… that is, her parents, Catherine and Henry, had taught her to read… when it suited _her_. "I lived there with people four years above me."

"I see," he said. "Has it ever occurred to you why there are children only of a certain age group in certain cities? After all, if you look at mammals, you will see many generations at any given time, if they take longer than a year to mature."

Janet blinked. _What?! He's smart! _That was a thought that had never, ever occurred to her – and nothing the biology textbooks her father had lent her had covered. "No," she said, feeling stupid. "Do _you_ know why?"

Jacko eyed her. "I don't think you'd believe me."

"Okay," she said, dropping it like a hot potato. "I'll ask my parents."

Jacko smirked. "See if they tell you the truth."

"My parents aren't liars," said Janie, eyeing Jacko. He was round the twist, she decided. "If you're trying to bait me into asking, it's not working."

He seemed genuinely surprised, blinking at her. "No," he said simply. "How are you finding it here?"

"You asked that already." The sudden change in topic wasn't going to fool her.

"So I did," Jacko's mouth twitched into a slight smile. He sat down. Sylvia continued to ignore them both. "Perhaps I'm just trying to make conversation."

Janie decided to drop it, looking away.

They didn't speak again for the rest of recess – and the time passed agonisingly slow for Janie. Jacko seemed content to stare into the distance, and Sylvia kept her nose stuck firmly in her book. The laughing of the other children when two boys emerged from a classroom was all that broke the quiet, which thrummed with low conversation, and the occasional flick of page against page. Janie dug her nails into her palms. She _hated_ wasting time. She felt old anxiety rising up, and wished her body hadn't inconveniently grown immune to her medication now, of all times. She didn't feel hungry at all, but her nervous heart hammered inside her chest and she wished the break would _end_.

She jumped when the shriek from before split the air again, and the children began to trickle back into their classrooms.

"You get used to it," Jacko held his hand out to her. She blinked, then took it. He pulled her to her feet. Like a ghost, Sylvia shut her book and glided past them without a word. Jacko pretended not to see her, eyes fixed only on Janie. He looked almost desperate, but his voice sounded the same. "What class are you in?"

"One," said Janie.

"You're in mine, then," Jacko smiled - out of relief? But the expression was gone, replaced by a forced smirk. "And Sylvia's. Come on." He touched her shoulder, moving off. He glanced behind him, and Janie realised how much he wanted her there beside him.

"I'm coming," she smiled, and went after him. He seemed nice, in spite of her earlier, hasty judgement. _He just wants someone there for him._ It hadn't escaped her attention that nobody else had talked to him.

To Janie's relief, all the stares stopped after the teacher introduced her. "Alphabetical order!" she said, ferrying Janie to her new seat. "I don't know how it works in Spindle, but that's how it does here – you'll be in between Kim Harrison and Jack May – and Timothy French, if I see another sign of a paper aeroplane, I'll make sure you never see recess again!"

Bella Torson's snickers lead the class as Janie slipped into her seat. Sylvia and Tobias muttered darkly.

She glanced at the worksheet the teacher slipped onto her desk - long division. She'd had her mother, Catherine, teach her when they covered division years ago. Feeling out of place, she whizzed through them. She glanced up.

Nobody else had finished. In fact, Kim Harrison wasn't even halfway through, visibly struggling. Self consciously, Janie looked back down, and reached for her eraser. She did the last question again, dawdling, until Sylvia's hand shot up.

"Yes?" the teacher glanced up from her own desk.

"My work is complete," said Sylvia. "I hope it's to your satisfaction."

Oh, thank gods. So finishing work early was normal, here. Janie gave a sigh of relief.

"I've finished too," she said. Eyes rose to stare at her.

_Normal only for Sylvia, I guess._ She hid a grimace.

"Please put your hand up before speaking," said the teacher, giving Janie a glance before she strode to Sylvia's desk.

"I would like to request more work so as to make my time spent at my desk more efficient," said Sylvia.

"Sylvia, you cannot just race ahead of the class when you feel like it."

Janie had no doubt, judging by their tones, that this battle had been fought many times before. Sylvia's voice piped up in rebuttal, and on Janie's left, Kim rolled his eyes. On her right, Jacko stared at his work - complete as well - seeming to be listening intently. He looked up at her. The teacher began to tell off Sylvia again, and Jacko's look struck her as meaningful.

"It's okay," Janie spoke up across the teacher, stunning her into a brief silence. "I've finished too – I'd like some work as well."

The teacher said nothing for a long moment, before she turned and fixed a sharp eye on her. "Karen Janet, I know where you come from you were homeschooled, but in the classroom you are expected to be polite at all times. That was out of line and rude. And as I stated expressly to Sylvia, you may not race ahead of the class, and that is final. Apologise"

_Mam and Da are going to be __so__ hacked off at me - but why should I apologise?_ "But I've got nothing to do except _sit_ here!"

_Go home_, said a voice inside her. A woman's voice.

She grit her teeth. _Shut up. Not now_. She'd heard that voice so many times before. Over the years, it had grown more urgent between new medicines… she hoped Mam or Da found new medication for her in this town.

"Don't answer back," said the teacher's short voice. She strode to her desk without another word, and sat down to mark papers.

Janie let out a small hiss between her lips.

"Impatient?" said a voice to her right, barely coherent.

Without glancing at Jacko, she murmured, "I _hate_ doing nothing."

"I know the feeling," he said darkly.

"Wish I got to do nothing," said Kim, glaring at his work. "You could do _my_ work, if you wanted – "

"Silence," said the teacher.

"Do not disrupt our learning process," said Tobias from the back of the room.

"I said silence."

Timothy French snickered.

_Go home._

Janie ignored it, but it came back again - pressing. Urgent. She had to _leave_! _No,_ she told it. _Not now. School doesn't end for hours._

_Go home._

_Oh, screw it. But I have to try first..._ "Miss, can I have some more work?"

"Not until the class has caught up," the teacher tapped her pen on the desk, shooting Janie a glare.

Janie let out a sigh. _Fine._

"Okay," she said, and she stood up. She felt like a brat when she said, "I guess there's no point to being here if I'm not learning."

Even Jacko stared at her as she made her way to the front door of the classroom and twisted it open.

"What are you doing, young lady?" the teacher looked incredulous.

"Going home," said Janie.

"Why?" said Bella. Janie thought she detected some admiration, and flushed.

"Get back this instant!" said the teacher.

Janie just shrugged. "I dunno," she said, looking at Bella. "I think I have to."

The last thing she saw before she closed the door behind her was the ghost of a smile on Jacko's face. Then, hearing the teacher's footsteps, she turned and ran in the direction she thought was home.

_Not like I haven't broken protocol before._


	2. Chess

**Chapter Two: Chess  
**

The feeling sat there like an impatient itch.

_Go away_, she told it.

_Go __home_, it said.

She sighed, but obeyed. She'd spent half an hour gamboling around the suburbs and the park like a goat from Spindle, and all the time, it urged her to leave. She had ignored it, telling it she didn't know the way, but finally she grew sick of it and stumbled in the direction she knew was home. It took only ten minutes to find the house - one so unfamiliar to her she almost walked straight past it. Dreading the response of her father, she walked towards the front door and pressed the button for the bell.

Mam's face peered through the glass. Janie dropped her eyes, listening to the beeps as Mam tapped in the entrance code behind the door, which swung open. "Oh, Janie," the adult sighed. "What have you done? Come inside. I hope your teacher didn't chase after you."

"Only as far as the school grounds," she said, stepping into the hall. She hung up her blazer, still avoiding her mother's eyes. "Did the school contact you?"

"You're suspended for three days for truancy," Mam didn't sound surprised, or angry – only fatigued. "Starting tomorrow. We should have left Spindle before you got too old to learn about manners."

"I learned from the older kids," said Janie, moving to the couch. She curled up and snuggled a cushion. Her Mam sat on the other end of it. Truthfully, her mother's remark had hurt more because it seemed more against Spindle than her.

"I know," said Mam. "But Karrie, you can't just walk out of class the moment you get bored."

Her parents were the only people who could call her Karen, Karrie or Kar without making Janie twitch. But now, in Paris instead of Spindle, Janie felt herself fidget a little. She hated this place already. "I have to do _something_," she said. "I finished my work ahead of everyone else, and she - the teacher - wouldn't let me _do_ anything because it's _not nice to work ahead of everyone else_," Janie's pitch rose towards the end of her sentence, and she rolled her eyes.

Mam sat silent for a moment, then said, "It's been getting worse, then?" she said. She sighed. "I was hoping you'd grow out of it."

"I can't _help it_."

"Your father got called out of work to pick up your new medication," said Mam. She moved through the living room into the kitchen unit to avoid her daughter's gaze. "So starting from tomorrow, I hope you'll be able to."

"The last one took a couple of weeks to take effect – "

"Janie," said Mam, and Janie fell quiet. Her mother leaned against the kitchen bench, looking to her. She looked… hesitant. "They use this drug in Repressal when the other children are… ill. They say that after a moon cycle of using it, you won't ever need any medication _again_."

Janie blinked. She stood up. "But that's _great_ news!" she said. "Isn't it? I've had the anxiety all my life… I don't _want_ it, Mam."

Mam just sighed. "We'll talk with your father when he gets home after work," she said.

"What's wrong?"

"We'll discuss it when Da comes home."

"Okay," the word barely escaped Janie's lips. She sat back down on the sofa. _What was wrong? _Her father knew better than her mother not to let emotion escape him, but her mother was an open book - why was she so hesitant?

She stared into the living room. Janie heard the crinkle of a wrapper from the kitchen, and the closing of a cupboard door. Janie's lips quirked in a smile. Before Janie was born, her parents had never had chocolate… which reminded Janie of a question.

"Mam?"

"Yes?"

"Why are the children always the same age in each town?"

Janie heard her close the box of chocolates before she moved into the living room. She glanced up as Mam sat down on the sofa again.

"What makes you ask that?" said Mam. Janie could almost feel the red flags popping up in her head.

She ignored them. "Somebody at school asked me if I'd thought about it," said Janie.

"Who?"

"Jacko May." The name sounded odd on Janie's tongue. Oddly… familiar. Yet so _wrong_. She determinedly ignored it.

Mam sighed. "Should have known. That boy's been in Repressal more times than I can count."

"He gets sick a lot?"

Mam bit her lip. "That's… something we'll talk about when your father gets home," she says. "There are things you don't learn for another year we may as well tell you – so long as you don't tell anyone."

Janie blinked. "Okay."

"The Old Ones wouldn't approve," said Mam, with a false smile. "And, in exchange, I won't tell anyone it was May who told you. Deal?"

Janie smiled. "Deal."

--

"Speak of the devil, as the humans would say," said Mam's voice from the hall.

"Da's back?" Janie looked up her novel.

"No," Mam tilted her head around a wall into the living room. "You have a visitor. Survivor of the Repressal."

Jacko groaned from the front door. "Did you have to tell her about that?"

"Jacko!" she said, putting the PADD down and heading to the front door.

"It's a violation of privacy," Jacko muttered, head down - but his body eerily straight, still.

"No harm done," said Mam, smiling down at him. "Janie and I were talking about the Repressal before – it's highly unnecessary after birth, I believe."

Jacko glanced up with a smile. "I agree. I strongly dislike their methods."

"I hope you've managed to keep out for a while," said Mam. "Something Janie said made me think you might be dragged in there again sometime soon, but don't worry," she tapped the side of her nose. "I won't tell."

Jacko glanced at Janie, looking betrayed. Then he looked to Mam again. "Janie?"

Mam shrugged. "Let's just say that if the Old Ones knew what happened in this house, Janie would be dragged into Reressal herself for mild symptoms."

Janie said, "I'm _sick_?"

"Not really, honey," Mam patted her head. "But Janie here has always insisted on being called by her last name since she was young," Mam looked back to Jacko. "People were very loose in Spindle, but it's a lot stricter here… Regardless, everyone called her Janet. And that changed to Janie. What about your symptoms?"

Jacko looked warily at Mam. "Quite severe, actually," he finally said, voice quiet as ever. "But nothing I can't live with."

"Won't tell," Mam winked. "Name is Catherine Janet, by the way." Jacko flinched. "Name bothers you, doesn't it? Don't worry about it, hun. Do you want to take Janie to play somewhere? We were going to wait until Edmund – her father – returned to talk about the Repressal and biological origins – "

"I thought we were talking about my medication?" said Janie.

"And that," said Mam. "Anyway – Edmund won't be back for a few hours, so if you'd like to go play, that's fine with me."

"Can we?" said Janie, looking to Jacko. She liked him already – she felt a warmth spread through her whenever she looked at him, and without realising, she smiled.

He looked surprised, but said, "Of course. Thank you, Mrs Janet."

"Not a problem," Catherine waved a hand. "Come back whenever you want, you two. If you'd like to stay for dinner later, Jacko, feel free."

"I don't think my parents would allow it," said Jacko. "But thank you."

"Not a problem," said Mam again, before she shooed the children onto the verandah.

The first thing Jacko did was cast Janie a sideways look. "She doesn't know?"

"Huh?" said Janie. Jacko started to walk down the steps, and she followed. "About what?"

"You running away from school?"

"She does," said Janie. "But she expected it. I act weird when my medicine stops working."

"Medicine?"

"I get severe anxiety," said Janie. "When I ran away, that was a symptom of it."

Strange. She hadn't felt anxious when she ran away, but that was what the Old Ones had said...

"Oh?" said Jacko. They rounded the driveway to the pavement, walking in a direction that Janie hadn't gone in before, having arrived in Paris only recently – she assumed Jacko knew where they were going. "Is that why your mother thinks you would have gone to Repressal?"

"Yeah," said Janie. "I get – " she looked at Jacko. "Well, you know how I ran away?"

Jacko's lip curled in slight amusement. In spite of that, Janie thought his eyes looked a little sad. "How wouldn't I?" he teased. Her heart jumped.

Janie felt herself flush. "Okay, okay," she said. "Well – this is going to sound insane – but if I'm not doing anything I get really stressed. Mam knew I might have a problem with school because of that - she said I'd be ahead in my education, because I read a lot of books while I was at Spindle. Learnt a lot there."

"What's the anxiety like?"

"I feel like I'm really supposed to _do_ something," said Janie, looking at the pavement as she spoke. "The older I get, the more I feel like there's something I'm supposed to do that I haven't done, and that the deadline for it passed ages ago. And I need to go home when this happens – but when I go home, I still feel like I'm not home yet, even though I am. Happened at Spindle, too, but not as bad."

"I know exactly what you mean."

"You do?" she blinked.

"I've lived here since I was… born," said Jacko. "I still feel like it's not home. For instance… do you ever feel like you don't belong?"

"A lot," said Janie. "I'm glad to have met you – I feel like I'm an adult in a kid's world."

"You'll have to be careful with your speech around adults," said Jacko. "If anyone too paranoid hears you speaking with your vocabulary, you'll get dragged into Repressal and have your brains blasted out before you can blink."

"They blast your _brains_? And I heard you speaking to my _Mam_ intelligently."

"I heard you had a special case – that your parents moved to Spindle," Jacko still wouldn't look at her. "So I assumed they would be rather liberal."

"You assumed correctly," said Janie. "Still, it wasn't entirely safe, especially if my Mam is right and you've been in Repressal several times already. I'm sorry you get ill so often."

"'Ill'?" said Jacko, casting Janie a glance. "Is that what they told you you get into Repressal for?"

"Why else would you be?" said Janie.

At that moment Jacko turned from the pavement into the front garden of a house. Janie quickly followed. "Dumb yourself down," he muttered. "My parents are paranoid. We'll talk when we get to my room."

"Okay," said Janie.

Jacko pulled out a card from his pocket, dipping it into the small black box by the handle of the front door. A red light turned to green, and he twisted the door open. "I'm home," he called out, sounding bored. Janie drifted in behind him. "And I've got a friend from school."

"Oh, _finally_!" called out a delighted voice from the next room over – and a woman looking strikingly similar to Janie's own mother skipped into the room. "This must be Kristen Janet! Pleased to meet you!" she shook Janie's hand.

"Karen, actually," much as she hated the name, Janie didn't want things to go uncorrected.

"Oh, my bad," the woman smiled. "I'm your aunt – your mother's sister, by the way. We don't talk much, but nonetheless – I'm Jack's mother as well. Pleased to meet you at last, little Karen."

"We're cousins?" Jacko sounded surprised.

The woman shrugged. "You know we don't keep in touch with family," her voice sounded a little snipey to her son. "Anyway, Karen, just call me Aunt Sekani."

"Hi," in spite of what Jacko had said about her, Janie felt herself warming up to her aunt.

"We were going to play some chess in my room," said Jacko. It was strange, how quiet his voice had become - even quieter than before - but Janie didn't say anything. "Is that okay, Mammy?"

"Of course," said Sekani, beaming. "Be good, children! And Karen, give your mother my regards."

"Of cour – yeah," said Janie. Before another word could be spoken, Jacko all-but dragged her upstairs.

"So," he said, leading her through a hallway into a room. It looked strangely vacant, with only a bed and a shelf. It didn't look like a children's room – it looked like the room of an obsessively organised artist, with clay, plasticine and pencils in their place on the shelf. "want to play chess anyway while we talk?"

"Okay," said Janie with a smile. That would keep her hands busy, she thought, and Jacko ducked under his bed, pulling out the set.

"I hide novels under there," he winked at her. "Don't tell the parental units, they think the language is far above our age level." He rolled his eyes.

"They don't know a thing," grinned Janie.

"No kidding," Jacko's smile faded as he unfolded the wooden chess set. From the bottom, he pulled out pieces from their place, where they had been held in by elastic. "what colour?"

Janie grinned almost evilly. "Black," she said. "White goes first, doesn't it? I'm a defender, not an attacker."

Jacko gave her a warm smile, and Janie pulled her pieces towards her. Jacko flipped the board so that the checkered squares showed upwards. She organised them, as Jacko said, "I thought as much. You seem like that kind of person."

"Yeah."

"All the same, you can't win chess just by defending your king," said Jacko.

"True," said Janie. "Oh, I asked Mam that question. About the generational thing."

"Yeah?" Jacko glanced up. He set a pawn forward two spaces.

Janie reciprocated. "She said she and my Da will talk about it with me tonight," she said. "Explain everything. Except I'm not supposed to find out until I'm a twelve-year," she looked sheepishly at Jacko as he pulled out another pawn. "So don't tell anyone."

"I won't," said Jacko. "I'm glad they'll save me the trouble of telling you."

"You know?"

"The parents don't know I know," said Jacko. He dropped his voice into a conspirator's tone. "Repressal's treatments for me don't work on me anymore. I've grown immune."

"Yeah," said Janie. "That sucks. I grow immune to my anxiety medication all the time."

"Doesn't really suck."

"So they're getting me on Repressal medication," said Janie. "In a moon's cycle, I won't ever need them again."

Jacko looked up. Horror flashed briefly behind his eyes, before he hid it. "So you won't get anxious anymore?"

Janie blinked at him. "Mam reacted the same way you did," she said. "Why's it so bad? I don't _want_ to be anxious."

"You would, if you knew what it meant," murmured Jacko.

But he wouldn't answer anymore of her questions.

--

Jacko dropped her home when the horizon tinged orange, and rushed back without saying goodbye. Janie shrugged, opening the unlocked front door. Jacko seemed quite eccentric as it was – and it wasn't just the fact he, like her, talked like an adult. He knew far more that he was letting on…

And somehow, Janie thought, it didn't seem like a plea for attention the way she'd originally thought.

She found her father and mother in the living room. Both sat on two different sofas, eyeing her. The silence pressed in, but when she cast her eyes to Mam, she said nothing.

"Janie," said Edmund, and she looked to him instead. He smiled softly - a forced one, Janie could tell, and it betrayed a lot. Immediately she knew there had been a fight over this, and that he had lost. "It's time to tell you the truth, darling."

* * *

_(A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! Keep them coming, hee!)_


	3. Bitter

**Chapter Three: Bitter**

_(A/N: Just like to say thank you to all my reviewers and people who've put the story on alert! Hehe. Okay. Blatant begging over. Hope you enjoy the chapter, some ideas have struck me and I've got plans for the future, though I still don't know how this story will end... I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! If you have a moment, I'd be delighted if you reviewed, it's a little spoonful of encouragement that someone'd take the time to do it. Thanks for reading!)_

Catherine held out a PADD to Janie. The girl sat down on the sofa beside her mother and took it.

She looked at a picture of a smiling woman, reddish-tinged hair swept by her face. Janie's breath seized in her throat.

"The fact that you recognise her," said Catherine. "would be enough to put you in Repressal."

"I don't _recognise_ her," said Janie. "Well... I think I do. But I shouldn't, really. I've never seen her before." She tilted the PADD as if to catch the light. "I... think."

"You do," Catherine held out her hand for the PADD. When Janie gave it to her, Catherine pressed some buttons and returned it to her. "There's a reason you always insisted on being called Janet, darling. Now, does _this_ look familiar?"

Janie stared, taking the PADD in her fingers again. "That's the ship in the museum – the _Stranded_!"

"Its name isn't really _Stranded_," said Mam. She tangled her fingers together, pressing them into her lap. "And you do know the woman in the picture. Rather, you did once. She'd be far away by now, in the original ship that the _Stranded_ was built to copy. Twelve thousand lightyears away, by now, give or take. Her name is Kathryn Janeway, and that ship is the _USS_ _Voyager_."

"Wow," said Janie. She kept her eyes fixed on the ship. It seemed... oddly endearing to her. She'd never seen anything but a picture of the _Stranded_, but she couldn't remember it provoking an emotional response like this...

"Reproduction," said Catherine. "Is complicated around here," she took the PADD back and turned it off, putting it in her lap. She sat back on the sofa, and Janie felt dread seep into her. _Not the sex talk._ But then the conversation took a turn Janie didn't expect: "Our species are infertile. We have to… take certain measures... to be impregnated."

Janie's morbid curiosity surfaced. "Like what?"

"What we do," said Mam, leaning forward now, still avoiding Janie's eyes as she stared into the carpet. "is take the DNA of the crewmembers of a passing ship, and create clones. Those clones are genetically engineered to overwrite the DNA of the species they once were, and the genes of the would-be parents are combined to create a new Kariin. Unfortunately… considering you were once a clone…"

Stunned, Janie could do nothing but listen.

"… you had all of the memories of the person you once were," said Mam. "You were only a fetus when cloned, but you would remember _everything_. Without Repressal, you would have grown up with her memories and our appearance - complete with any nervous tics and habits she had. If you're any indication, she was addicted to coffee." Janie felt her face flush. Growing up, she used to sneak sips of her father's coffee. "In any case, this is where Repressal comes in – we couldn't have babies thinking they were their original person, so Repressal removed their memories. Unfortunately it doesn't always work."

Mam paused then, and Janie waited. Her voice was quiet, as if afraid to shatter the story with sound. "Go on."

"As you probably guessed," said Mam. "Kathryn Janeway was your original, biological 'mother', I suppose, though you have your father' and my DNA now. Your anxiety has her to blame – Captain Janeway seemed to be a woman who needed her hands full, or she would be reminded of her… circumstances… and she would fall victim to stress. You're the same, darling. When you were four years old and put in school, you and another student – Jack, to be exact – showed exceptional intelligence that could only be left over from your time, however brief, as a clone," she smiled, tapping her temples. "You could remember _everything_. You and Jacko went straight to the Old Ones demanding to be set free. We and Jacko's parents were called in… Jacko's parents responded by putting him in Repressal to take care of the memories. We tried to get you out – but we couldn't," she shook her head. "They took you from us."

She sighed. "Your memories were wiped completely," said Catherine. "You had to learn to walk again, talk again. We had to spoon feed you until you relearned to hold your utensils again. And you did – rapidly. When we saw your above-average intelligence still remaining, we spirited you away to Spindle, thinking that if we distracted you chronically in the same way your mother needed to – distracting you with physics and self-education and playing with children far older than yourself, where your exceptional vocabulary and abilities wouldn't be noticed – that you wouldn't get those memories back. And you haven't. Mostly."

"Mostly?" said Janie.

"Haven't you ever wondered why you always feel a need to come home?" said Mam. "Janeway was stranded on the opposite side of the galaxy. When she passed by, she was trying to get home."

A faint tingle ran through Janie. She stared at her hands. They seemed... wrong, somehow. Her father watched her in silence.

"And lightyears away, you still feel that. You have a bond with her that distance can't separate, that mind-blasting can't obliviate. Kathryn Janeway from twelve years ago is still preserved in you, hidden. Deep down. Far down. Further than Repressal would ever want you to dig."

_Oh_, mouthed Janie, but no words came out. She leaned forward, holding her head in her hands.

Humans. No wonder they talked about humans a lot, when humans lived on the other end of the galaxy. "Why is my name like hers?" said Janie. "Karen Janet – Kathryn Janeway. That's… not a coincidence. Aren't the Old Ones afraid that'll trigger memories?"

"No," said Mam softly. "Whenever we adapt a new species for children, we surround them with their original culture as much as possible. Your generation has access to hyposprays, transporters, PADDs, human names… your children won't. When you have children, you'll give that all up for their culture, and even give up your name. It's believed that the closer we make the children's environment to their original one, the less likely the severity of the relapse. And it's worked.

"The Old Ones, however, have always been here. They're immortal. They control Repressal and reproduction. It's them who contact passing ships and ask for DNA. When DNA has been extracted, they are engineered to parents who apply…" Catherine sat back. "And that's the gist of it. Jacko, as you can guess, probably remembers his existence as a clone and thinks he's the real thing. He never forgot. _Mind-blasting_, as it's sometimes called for its ability to render people of all ages into gibbering, drooling idiots, was temporary in his case. Sometimes his classmates would relapse, but they were always put in their place. He probably learned to feign ignorance."

"Oh," said Janie. She looked to the PADD. "Who was he?"

"I don't think you should show her," Edmund murmured as Mam started poking at the PADD again.

Mam sighed. "I guess you're right," she said, turning it off. "He was a high-ranking person aboard Voyager. Is, sorry. He was quite a pleasant person, from what I heard. Your original thought highly of him."

"I see," murmured Janie.

She sat there dumbly for a long moment, before saying, "I need to go to bed."

"This early?" said Edmund. Mam, however, stood up.

"Alright, Janie," she said. "Sleep well tonight – try to, yes?"

"She can have her medicine, that'll get her to sleep," Edmund reached for a hypospray which sat on the coffee table.

"Maybe tomorrow," Janie pasted a smile onto her face. "I'd like to have a night without side-effects, if that's okay."

Her father said nothing, but Mam forced a smile. "Try to have a good sleep," she said.

Janie knew she wouldn't.

--

As she always did while undrugged, Janie lay awake fidgeting, tossing and turning. She missed the sleep that would come when medicated, but now, the need to do _something_ plagued her. _Or rather, my need to go to the other side of the galaxy. Jesus Christ_.

She wondered who Jesus Christ was and why she'd used his name like a profanity.

Long after her "parents" had gone to bed, she lay awake, thoughts spinning. Did she have three parents, then? After all, she _did_ share Edmund and Catherine Janet's DNA. Or was Kathryn Janeway her only parent?

_More like a twin sister_, she mused._ I'm supposed to be her clone…_ the thought made her frown. _And where did it all begin? Kariins can't have always had the technology to adapt other races to their own… so they – we – must have been fertile, once upon a time? It's a chicken and egg question… but maybe we're infertile because we're all clones? Where did this start? _Her eyes fluttered closed.

_Wait. What's a chicken?_

The sound of something hitting her window jerked her from her thoughts. _Damn, and I was almost asleep, too!_ She let out a frustrated grunt and snuggled back into the covers. She searched for the dropped thread of thought. _Not all Kariins must be happy about the culture makeover each time a new generation of children come in…_ the thought of Spindle being made over tore at her heart.

The sound came again - something rebounded from her window, making her flinch. She sighed, standing up and moving to the pane of glass. Was something _out_ there, or was it just the wind? She slid the window open – and flinched again as a piece of gravel rebounded from her forehead. "The hell?" she whispered.

"Sorry," came a voice.

"Jacko!"

There was a brief pause, and a sigh. Then Jacko spoke: "I need to show you something. Can you climb down?"

"How'd you know which window was mine?"

"Long story. Can you come down? I have to show you something."

"Alright," said Janie. "Let me ask my parents – "

"Please, don't. Just sneak out." Jacko sounded fatigued. _No wonder, it's the middle of the dratted night._

"I can't climb _down_."

"Can you sneak out through the front door?"

Janie clicked her tongue. "Probably, they're heavy sleepers. I'll just be a moment – "

"Leave your window open just in case, yeah?"

"Sure," said Janie. She lifted it wide open, then dove for her clothes, stripping her pyjamas from her body and throwing a T-shirt and jeans on. She closed her bedroom door, the slight noise sounding like a phaser shot in the darkness, then crept down the stairs. Once at the front door, she padded in the security code, and made sure to leave it pulled to – she didn't want to lock it, after all. She slipped out.

Jacko's silhouette waited at the lawn, posed against the light of a lamp post. "Come on!" he whispered. "It's quite a walk – but if we jog, we can get there faster."

"How far away?"

"Half an hour if we make good speed."

"Damn!" Janie jogged over to Jacko, and together, they rounded the corner of the driveway and headed off in the direction that Janie knew led to his house. "Where are we going?"

"The museum."

"The _Stranded_?"

Jacko sighed. "They didn't tell you the entire truth, did they? I noticed when you called me _Jacko_."

"What else am I supposed to call you?" Janie couldn't help but snap. The cold night's chill stung through her clothes, and she couldn't help but feel unnerved – the night's darkness contrasting with stark artificial light morphed everything into shadow. She felt as if invisible things lurked behind the hedges. She'd always moved around in the darkness at Spindle – but Spindle had been different. Spindle had looked far different… Spindle had been a mountain town with year-round snow and chill, and minimal technology, though the Janet home always had human technology in it. "We're clones, not the real thing."

Jacko snorted. "_That's_ what they told you?"

"My parents aren't liars," said Janie. "Just because _you're_ deluded – "

"Good thing I'm showing you home, then," said Jacko with a snort. "Have they drugged you yet?"

Janie jogged on in silence beside Jacko. Her side hurt from a stitch, and the cold breeze had all but blown away all traces of tiredness. Her legs burned, but she wasn't going to admit it. _Twenty five minutes more of this!_ "No," she said, trying not to gasp. "I said we'd start tomorrow."

"Good," said Jacko. "That'll make this trip easier, mentally."

"We're _clones_."

"And I'm about to show you otherwise," said Jacko.

"Right," said Janie. _Let him be this way._ She felt slightly treacherous at the thought, but after tonight's trip she resolved to tell her parents to alert Repressal… plainly, the delusions interfered with his life. He sounded almost obsessive.

_But if all clones have identical memories to their original, wouldn't he remember his original giving up the DNA for being a clone?_

The question stopped her in her tracks, panting. Dread seeped into her... _Wouldn't he?! Why doesn't he remember that?_

"You alright?" said Jacko.

"Can we walk the rest of the way?" said Janie. "I don't have your stamina."

"Sure, but it'll take a while."

"Okay," she said, holding her side. "I'll walk quickly."

"Good. We've only got a few hours, barring exhaustion." Jacko looked forward, and the moon cast a strange light on him. Seeing him made Janie smile. "We have the bodies of children, after all – I've been up at this time of night for a year, so I've adjusted, but you haven't."

"I usually have bad insomnia, anyway," said Janie.

"Bad enough to last long into the morning?"

"No," admitted Janie. "But for a bit past midnight, anyway."

"We're going to be up late tonight," said Jacko.

"So you've been breaking into the museum every night for a year?"

"Almost every night," said Jacko. "I adjusted my sleep cycle – my parents think I have chronic fatigue and need to sleep fifteen hours a night."

"Oh?" said Janie.

"I sleep from three thirty to seven thirty," said Jacko. "Then I get up for dinner. Then I go straight back to bed again, and get up to go to _Voyager_ – or the _Stranded_, as you call her, but that wouldn't be far off the mark – and spend a few hours there each night. Then I go back at around three in the morning, maybe four. And sleep for the rest of the night."

"So you don't actually sleep that much?"

"Not as much as I should, with this body," said Jacko. Then added, proudly, "Never been caught. Hope not to break that."

"My parents sleep heavily, and so they shouldn't notice my disappearance."

"Good," said Jacko. "In any case, my mother's not in contact with yours – did your mother tell you about that?"

"No. I didn't even know I had an aunt."

"They fell out over something that happened when we started school," said Jacko. His voice sounded dull and monotonic, and Janie felt a pang of sympathy. Living all those years thinking he was real... _Poor guy._ "Before you left for Spindle."

"Mam told me about that," said Janie. "They said I mistook the clone's memories for the memories of the original."

Jacko snorted. "No doubt that's what she's been told to think," he said.

Janie bit back her irritation, and her sympathy waned slightly. _He's so... bitter_. "Whatever," she muttered, the second part of the word coming out as a hiss between her teeth.

He didn't respond.

The silence that hung in the air felt disconcerting – aside from the occasional, distant sound of somebody moving in a house, there was nothing. Even the breeze had died down. Something felt horribly, horribly wrong… and it wasn't Janie's _go home_ anxiety, either.

_No crickets_, she realised. _No owls. Nothing._

… _What's a cricket and what's an owl?_ _Curse it._ Talking to Jacko made her relapse even more. She'd need to book them _both_ into Repressal, as far as this was going. Mam had worked in Repressal before they'd moved, when she was little, so no doubt she'd pull a few strings. Spindle had been quiet, too, in the early hours of the morning – but Spindle's inhabitants had needed far less sleep than she, and often stayed up late into the night, celebrating the darkness with crude telescopes on one side of the town and bushfires and dancing on the other. Each and every night. Janie felt a pang, remembering that. Her parents often let her oversleep well into the day, and most nights she spent with a telescope of her own, staring through at the constellations. She knew them all off by heart. _They always felt comforting... _She glanced up at the sky…

Horror seeped into her, and her voice came out as a squeak, "The mountains are right _there_! Why are all the constellations different?!"

"Hologram," said Jacko's derisive voice. "_Everything_ is a hologram. Apparently your parents didn't tell you _that_. The stars – all of them are fake. We're in an enormous holographic complex – the pillars are disguised as well, and it's hard to run smack bang into one."

"That's not the _sky_?" said Janie.

"Nope," said Jacko. "At home, on Earth, when it's sunny you can feel the heat of the sun on your skin."

"What?" Janie blinked. "But that's… the sun's so far away – "

"It's what's supposed to happen," said Jacko grimly. "This is an underground complex. The stars are artificial, holographic lights. Nothing more. They have fans and heating. Not like our stars – the real thing," he cast Janie a glance. "You've sailed among real stars. If you'd remember, you'd know the delight of the real thing."

"We're clones," growled Janie. "Nothing more."

"You'll see," Jacko's head turned back to the front as if she was nothing.

Janie rolled her eyes. How could she be the _real_ Kathryn Janeway?

Mam's voice came into her head.

_Janeway was stranded on the opposite side of the galaxy. When she passed by, she was trying to get home…_

She shook herself.

_You have a bond with her that distance can't separate, that mind-blasting can't obliterate_.

"It's just a bond you're feeling," she said. When Jacko cast her a confused glance, she said, "You feel your counterpart, even though he's thousands of lightyears away."

"I wish," said Jacko.

"You don't need to snap at _me_," Janie suddenly snarled.

To her surprise, Jacko sighed. "Sorry," he said. "Eleven years of having idle hands has reignited the temper I used to be famous for."

"Oh," Janie blinked. "So what are you going to do now? We're clones. The real _Voyager_'s far away."

"I'm not going to bother answering that," Jacko slipped back into bitterness.

Janie shrugged.

--

Not long after, they arrived at the museum. Janie had never been there before. Jacko trotted down the side of the building, and Janie followed. He led her to a large, metal door.

"This," he said, pulling a metal device from his pocket and setting it onto the door. "is the entrance the cleaners take." He tapped something into the device, and the doors came open. He pulled it out. "Anybody who goes through this entrance will not trigger the alarms after I've used that – put this on," he pulled another couple of electronic items from his pocket. Janie flinched as he took her arm gently in his hands, pressing one of the _things_ to her. To her surprise, it stuck to her sleeve, blinking green lights at her. "Cloaking technology that masks bio-signature along with something that interferes with cameras. This will make sure we're not shown in any video surveillance - or any other, for that matter. As far as the staff are concerned, the door glitches every night. They stopped trying to fix it long ago." He put one on his own sleeve.

"How'd you get these?" said Janie. "I've never seen stuff like this before."

"A friend of ours gave them to me," Jacko grinned, stepping into the hallway. Janie blinked. _He's genuine, now._ "You'll meet him in a minute. He escaped the bio assimilation, for reasons that will soon become obvious…" he pulled two more devices out of his pocket.

"How many of those do you _have_?" said Janie.

"These are the last ones," Jacko offered her one. Janie took it, tilting it to catch the dim light. It looked like a grey triangular symbol, its base curling towards its arch, in front of a golden rectangle. It looked familiar. "This is a commbadge. Don't lose it, and under no circumstances should you let anyone else see it, got it? Just press it to use it."

Janie looked up at him, and the look in his eyes unnerved her again. A fierce look – hardened from years of doing nothing. Clone or not, he didn't want to be here… and he couldn't wait to get out.

He had the look of a determined adult. Not a child.

A chill ran through her.

"Got it," she breathed.

"Good," Jacko fixed it between her left breast and shoulder. "You can take it off when you wish. Keep it on you at all times unless it's best not to – such as going through a metal detector, you'd have to smuggle it – and that's it for now," he put his own on, then tapped it. "Chakotay to the Doctor."

"Doctor here," came a voice from the commbadge, making Janie jump.

"Two to beam up," said Jacko.

"Two?"

"Just do it. I've got an old friend to say hello."

"Alright, alright," said a sullen voice. "Touchy as usual..."

And Janie let out a shriek of shock when her environment disappeared.


	4. Foreign Memories

**Chapter Four: Foreign Memories  
**

_(A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to update! I'm a bit stuck with the current draft [I'm at about chapter 6 or 7 right now], so I'm not quite sure what goes next, and so I forgot to update 'cause I wandered off to do other things until I can think clearly again. Regardless, here's the next chapter, and chapter five's being edited - never fear, 'cause TWF is here! Again, very sorry. Will try to get the next chapter up ASAP after this. :) Reviews much appreciated! )_

_---  
_

Janie's breath siezed in her chest as the museum's corridor vanished, replaced with a small room. She stood on a large, metal plate, a white circle beneath her feet, and to her left, Jacko stepped off onto the carpeted floor.

"I told you last night," said a voice. Janie looked up to see a man in a black jumpsuit, capped with green at his shoulders, dark eyes fixed on Jacko. "And I'll tell you again! I can't keep _doing this_ every night, my mobile emitter badly needs maintenance that only Lieutenant Torres can give me!"

"I'll look over it again tonight," said Jacko, as if without another thought. He stepped up to the stranger, pulling a strange rod from his pocket to poke at something on the man's arm. "See you in sickbay – " and he pulled the "something" free.

"I don't – " but the man vanished, making Janie blink.

"He's a hologram too," said Jacko, looking to her. Janie saw that he held something small and grey in his hand. "Does this place look familiar to you?"

"No," said Janie. She hugged herself, shoulders hunched, as she looked around with wide eyes, taking in the console, the plain walls, the black corridor that led from the room. "I've never been here before in my life."

"No matter." Jacko's smile only twitched briefly. . "Let's go to sickbay so I can fix the Doctor up."

"What's his name?"

"Eh? We just call him 'the Doctor'. Welcome back on board _Voyager_, by the way, captain."

Janie's forehead creased. "I'm not -"

"Computer, lights off."

She sighed as the lights abandoned them to pitch darkness. Why did he keep thinking she was something she _wasn't_? She heard Jacko's retreating footsteps, and panic rose a lump to her throat. She stepped towards the sound - and tripped from the metal plate. "Don't leave me here!"

"Oh," he sounded chastised. "I'm sorry. I forgot you wouldn't be used to this. It's... been a while... since I had to care for anyone aside from myself."

A hand closed around her wrist and pulled her to her feet. "Sorry," said Jacko again. In spite of everything, she couldn't help but smile at the sound...

But she said nothing, even when he tugged her arm and led her away.

The way the sound of their footsteps bounced off the walls told her they had stepped into the corridor, confirmed when another infernal device, strapped to Jacko's wrist, lit it up in a beam of white light. She shivered – it had to be a hundred times colder in _Voyager_ than outside. "Why can't we turn on the lights?"

"We can't afford to waste resources that it'll take _Voyager_ to get out of here, especially as we don't know when that's going to be."

"Right," said Janie. _He's only one person in an entire ship. It's not as if he can kidnap me. _"So… sickbay. How do we get there?"

She couldn't wait to. The way the shadows flickered on the wall unnerved her. Made images appear in her head... images of nebula gas, of people unconscious in corridors... she shuddered.

Jacko bent down suddenly, and Janie saw a yawning square of black. A panel lay discarded beside it. "Jeffries tubes," said Jacko. "Follow me closely, we don't want you..." he sighed. "lost."

"How far up is it?"

"We only have to go up a deck," said Jacko, sounding resigned to his fate of explaining memories that she didn't have. "To deck five."

"Okay," said Janie again, and she followed Jacko into the claustrophobic tunnel. She could see the silhouette of Jacko ahead of her, and she shuddered at the darkness.

_Voyager was never meant to be this_, said a woman's voice inside her head. Janie was surprised – not because it had spoken at all, but because its words were usually _go home_.

She played with a thought for a moment, and caved. _What's it meant to be like, then?_

Was that the real Janeway talking to her? Were humans telepathic, then? But the voice said nothing.

_Just my imagination, then. _She deflated slightly. It would have been nice to have a friend... _Even if it wasn't, why would Janeway talk to me now, after all these years?_

One ladder, another tunnel and a corridor later, Jacko took her into another dark room. Voyager reminded Janie of the massive cabin that was supposed to be haunted at Spindle – Voyager wasn't meant to be dark at all, she knew, and not just because the voice had said so. Not at all. She didn't know why.

_Maybe because most people don't walk around in the dark?_ She thought with a roll of her eyes.

It seemed this ship kept poking her.

The beam of Jacko's torch shone over the room. She could make out strange-looking beds, and a small office in the center. It seemed familiar - yet, at the same time, totally alien. She found herself straightening up into a posture she'd never held herself in before, legs apart, chin up, eyes open and confident. Her back ached, but she couldn't bring herself to stand the way she normally did...

_What's wrong with me?_

Perhaps she was ill. Or dreaming.

She had to be dreaming.

"Computer, activate Emergency Medical Hologram," said Jacko.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," the balding man from before appeared from the nothingness. For some reason, Janie wasn't surprised - only frightened. "You know, Commander, we should really disable that, it's a waste of power to my subroutines, however little. Oh, it's her again."

The balding man stepped right in front of Janie, peering down at her. "Amazing," he said. "They have finally learned to reproduce? Or is this one of ours?"

"This is ours," said Jacko. "The Captain, to be exact."

"Um," said Janie, as the Doctor's eyes widened. "I'm not captain of anything. I'm, er, just Karen Janet."

"So she's been told," said Jacko. He held himself completely differently, now – chin up, back straight, just like the way she held _herself_. It scared her slightly… and yet, conversely, it seemed reassuring at the same time, a salve to that part of her which stood just as stiffly. "I was hoping you could find a way to restore her memories."

"You'll have to keep me on all day tomorrow to research it," said the Doctor, looking back at Jacko. "And you'll have to go into Repressal and retrieve medicine so I can research a vaccine, if a vaccine is even _possible_. But first, why don't you try the traditional method of a tour around the ship?"

"Alright," said Jacko. "We'll sort this out after we come back."

"Deactivate me before you leave."

"Of course," said Jacko. "Computer, deactivate EMH."

The Doctor vanished. Janie felt goosebumps on her arms - it was unnerving, how Jacko could just conjure and make this person disappear on a whim. Could he do the same thing to her, too?

_You're not a hologram, remember?_ said the voice again, and she jumped slightly.

But before she could prod it again, Jacko offered her his arm. "Deck three first, I think. There's a more familiar sight there than any other which may jog your memory. We'll turn on the lights in there."

Only the torch beam lit up the room as Janie grasped Jacko's upper arm. He led her back out of sickbay, down the corridor towards the Jeffries tube.

"I don't need to remember anything," murmured Janie. The way her body held itself, tense, irked her, and now Jacko got on her nerves too.

"You'll see," was all Jacko said.

As they emerged in deck three from the metallic smell of the tubes, Jacko ordered the lights on. The brightness made her blink, clutching Jacko's arm, but he didn't even flinch, leading her slowly past a series of doors. She looked around.

The place seemed... more like home than her house ever did. It was strange, how the sight made her relax somewhat.

And yet, at the same time, dread seeped into her heart. She searched her mind - but she couldn't find the reason _why_. As if something bad was going to happen, but she didn't know what. She trailed her eyes over the doors, troubled, her eyebrows drawn over her eyes. She blinked - it felt like her eyes were watering. Like she was going to cry. But why?

Jacko finally stopped outside one. Janie relinquished his arm, and he stepped away to the doorway to tap in a number on a kind of pad.

"The Doctor helped me break in," he said. "Sorry about that, but the computer wouldn't recognise you in this body. I've been preparing for this moment..." he trailed off, looking down as the door silently slid open. He spoke again, his voice unnervingly quiet, so sad... "for quite some time."

Janie murmured a low assent. She looked into the door. Dimly, she could make out faint shapes.

"Go in," said Jacko. He lifted his chin again, as if to cover up his weakness.

Anxiety constricted her chest, but she stepped forward without meaning to. As if her body wasn't under her own command.

She only heard Jacko following her a few steps before the doors slid shut, leaving nothing but darkness. The windows showed nothing, except for the faint glow of the museum outside. She waited for Jacko to say something, but he didn't.

They stood in the darkness for a long moment. Her, waiting for him, waiting for him to take charge.

But he didn't.

She gave in_._ "Computer," she said, her small voice wavering in the darkness – would it obey her? "Lights."

To her surprise, the computer obeyed. It revealed a small sitting room, and the simplicity made her blink. A strange, rectangular hole in the wall made her think, _glorified toaster_. She shook herself - and realised that another door lay ahead, set into the wall. She swallowed. She took a deep breath - and coughed when the stench of must and mould reached her nose.

Would the next room be worse, she wondered? But she stepped to the door - and it opened as if to welcome her.

This room had more windows, and a double bed in the center, below them. It was dark in here, too, but she said nothing to the computer, as if the scene had touched her throat and taken her voice away. The place smelled of dust, the air felt stale to the point she almost felt as if she would suffocate, and she saw yet another door. _Bathroom_, she thought. Jacko stood behind her, watching her.

Her small voice spoke. "I don't like this place."

"You don't?" he sounded surprised. "Why?"

_I don't belong here._

The corridor had felt like home. This room didn't.

Strange sounds echoed in Janie's head. "Can you hear that?"

"Hear what?" said Jacko.

"Somebody's crying."

Jacko blinked at her. "I don't hear anything."

Janie tugged her eyebrows over her eyes as she strained. "I can... hear her. Some woman. She's crying... it's getting louder, and yet it doesn't seem like she's moving, weirdly. She..." Janie turned behind her. "Hello?" she said.

The crying continued. "Hello?" said Janie. She looked to Jacko. "Can't you _hear_ her? She's right in this room."

"I don't hear anything."

"I think I'm going insane," murmured Janie, and then recognition struck her. "I've heard her speak to me before. _I know her_."

"Who?"

"I don't know!" Janie snapped suddenly. "I just _hear_ her, she tells me to go home all the time, then she told me that Voyager isn't supposed to be all dark like it is now, and now she's crying and she won't _stop_."

Jacko stared at her in shock_._

But then a strange feeling came to Janie, and she went to the bed and sat on the end of it, looking to the pillows. She forced the reluctant words out. "She cried herself to sleep every night," said Janie. "Most nights… it was the only way she _could_ sleep. How could she sleep when it was her fault they were so far away from home?"

"It wasn't her fault," murmured Jacko, sitting beside her.

"That's what she thought," said Janie. She touched her chest, feeling as if there were a gaping hole in it. "She… destroyed something. There were so many alternatives. They ran through her head all the time… she hated it. She loved her crew, loved the Delta Quadrant, yet she hated it at the same time." She shook herself, but in her head, the woman went on and on, talking in between sobs. "She hated having to be captain. Well… she didn't hate it, she just… I don't know." She looked back up, up towards the ceiling. "She loved someone very much, but she couldn't do anything about it because she was captain. And, and… she was alone all the time. _That's_ what she hated. She was so alone because she was captain. She wished she were just an ensign all the time..."

She rubbed her eyes. "Everyone treated her differently because she was captain. She couldn't have a personal life – she wanted to get married and have children on Earth, but she couldn't do that here, because she was captain. She tried to pretend she had one - a life, I mean - but she knew she was lying. The darkness didn't discriminate," she gestured to the room. "When it was dark, every night, she remembered. Every night."

"She's not alone," said Jacko. "She never was."

"That's what they all said," said Janie. She stared at her knees. "But she didn't believe them. They didn't even believe themselves."

"That's what she thinks."

Janie shook herself. "I want to leave," she said. "I _hate it_ in here. I want to leave, I want to go home."

"This is where you belong."

"I want to go _home_!" said Janie, standing up. She brushed past Jacko, striding into the living room and back into the hallway, back towards the Jeffries tubes. _Transporter room on deck four…_

_Don't belong, don't belong…_ she wished that voice would _stop_. It tormented her – but it wasn't just her voice anymore that hurt her. It was the way she walked, the way she held her shoulders, the way she looked purposefully forward, how strange she felt in her own body –

"Kathryn!"

… and the way she stopped when he called her _mother's_ name. No thoughts ran through her head, she just stared forward, blinking, feeling like she were a million miles away, behind a screen of glass. Not even when Jacko's hand grasped her shoulder, as if she'd run away otherwise.

"It's alright," he murmured. "It's alright. It's just traumatic, remembering…"

"We're _clones_," Janie hissed. How _stupid_ was he? "Nothing more."

"Then what's Voyager doing here?"

"Rebuilt for the purpose of education – I think."

"Then why is she fully functional?" said Jacko. "A model would never be used, only shown, and even then, only a cross section, surely? Nobody even _comes here_. But this one is fully functional down to having its own EMH. This is the real thing, Kathryn," his hand tightened on her shoulder. "And you're remembering."

"I don't want to remember," murmured Janie. "I don't want to remember _that_. It felt so stifling… almost like I'd die..."

"I'm here to help," said Jacko. "No matter what you thought, no matter what you think, I'm still here, and I always will be. They'd have to kill me to stop me from remembering. This planet isn't our home. This ship is – temporarily. Our real home's so far away."

_Go home. Go home. Go home_ – old panic surfaced in Janie, and it hit her with a powerful blast to the chest. She gulped air –

"Breathe. Deep breath. In through the nose… out through the mouth…"

"I have to go!" Janie shook herself loose and ran in a direction – past the doors, past the Jeffries tubes, down the hallway to another door at the end. "Computer, activate turbo lift."

"Access denied."

Janie let loose a powerful profanity she'd never heard in her life. "Computer, recognise vocal pattern Kathryn Janeway."

"Vocal pattern unconfirmed."

Jacko had caught up to her by the time she let out another stream of swearwords. "Get the turbolift working!" she snapped at him. "That's an order!"

"Captain – "

"I said _get it working, Commander!_"

"It draws too much power."

"I need to get down to the bridge _now_! We need to get the hell out of here – "

"The Crew aren't with us!"

"We've wasted _twelve years_, Commander!" snarled Janeway. "I don't want to spend another day here. _Twelve years_ of doing nothing because they've held us hostage, pretending to care for us when in reality, they would probably kill us if we tried to leave!"

"Captain," the Commander held her arms to her side, and in spite of herself, Kathryn felt herself calming at his touch. "It's half of that. Six, by our standards."

"Six too _many_! What the heck went wrong that we let them capture us?"

"It'll only take a few more weeks at most," Jack May's face looked worried now. "We'll work with the Doctor on developing a cure, then we can get our crew and ourselves out of here."

Kathryn felt her resolve crumple, and could only nod mutely. "Okay," she said, and it was Janie's withering voice that drifted from her lips. Her eyelids felt heavy… suddenly, she was so incredibly tired… She felt Janie's body yawn.

"We need to talk to the doctor about something," said Chakotay. "Then we'll take a chance and beam you directly to Karen's bedroom, alright? You need a rest. You've had a shock."

"Why didn't we just beam from there to begin with?"

"Because they might detect the transport," said Chakotay. "It takes power to activate the consoles we'd need to hide it, but tonight, maybe, just one exception..."

"'Kay," Janie nodded. She rubbed her eyes. "To the Doctor, then."

"Computer," said Jacko. "Turn off all lights on board."

But straight after the lights turned off, they turned on again. Kathryn blinked. "What's going on?"

"Bridge to Janeway," said a male's voice, and she glanced down to see Karen Janet's body in Starfleet uniform. All thoughts of Janie and the Kariin rushed from her mind, and she tapped the commbadge.

"Janeway here," she said. Her voice even sounded the same, to her relief.

"We have an alien vessel appearing on sensors."

"Acknowledged," said Kathryn.

"You'll have to use the tubes, the turbo lift is offline. Engineering's working on it."

"Understood, I'll be right there," said Kathryn. "Janeway out."

She turned on her heel and walked back into the deserted corridor. She found the panel that once hid the access tubes – and crawled in. Plainly, somebody else had already been using it.

_Kathryn? What are you doing?_

She found the ladder, and went down. The pitch blackness unnerved her, but she felt her way. She knew it, after all, having crept through the bowels of Voyager more than once to save her crew. The thought gave her a grim smile.

Soon, she abandoned the ladder in favour of another tunnel. She kicked out a panel, and emerged in another corridor, a small one. Though it was fully lit, she noticed in the split second during blinks, when her eyelids shielded her sight, that all was black. _Huh. Maybe I need a check up with the Doctor_.

She strode into the bridge. "Report!" she said.

Commander Chakotay looked up from his seat. The brief moment of eye contact made her heart jumped, but she forced her sight away and looked to the screen above. On it, she saw a reptilian humanoid with pale, green skin.

"This is Captain Nurak," he said.

"I see," Janeway nodded. She put her hands behind her back and strode to the screen, holding the alien's eye. "My name is Captain Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. We are on a diplomatic mission and come in peace. Can we assist you?"

"Captain," the alien croaked. "We need help."

Something… seemed off. Perhaps it was the way he beat around the bush, waiting for her to ask... which she did. Straight after. "How may we assist?"

"Captain – " came Harry Kim's voice. "Sensor readings show that somebody has infiltrated our shields and made a transport – "

The alien grinned on the screen grinned. "Look behind you."

Kathryn whirled around, and saw a group of at least a dozen aliens pointing phasers at the crew. One strode towards her with a smirk. Up close, she could see that instead of skin, they had scales so minute that the viewscreen had not shown them. "Sorry, captain," he said. "But we're in need of children."

"Children?" echoed Kathryn. Her thoughts drifted to Naomi. She had to find some way to contact Ensign Wildman, to protect her. "There are no children aboard this ship! Red alert!"

Red lights flared to life and the beeping started, but the alien just smirked. "No, but your crew are about to give us some," said the alien. Kathryn felt her blood run cold. _Oh, god, don't let them rape us..._

"You'll do no such thing," she said. "_Get off my ship_.."

"Fine," said the alien. "But only if you're coming with us. Fire!"

Kathryn saw her comrades drop in front of her eyes – Tuvok first. She felt her heart freeze when Chakotay crumpled in his seat before he could blink. Paris shot one down before two beams hit him full in the chest.

"No!" the scream came without her meaning to. "How _dare you_?!"

_Are they dead?! Are they dead?_ She could hear a child's terrified screaming, female, by her ear, but it didn't sound like Naomi – "Leave my ship in _peace_, we've done _nothing_ to you! You have no need to _kill us_!"

When Kim went down, he took three with him. Tears streaked Kathryn's cheeks. _No. Please. Not after how far we've come, don't let us die now, please, God, after all the danger, after all we've been through, please.._.

Then pure rage overwhelmed her – and she drew her phaser. A quick flick of her fingers set it to kill, and she pointed it at the leader –

But before she could pull the trigger, a beam hit her right in the face.

_They're dead, they're all gone! They're dead, they're dead, and it's all my fault!_ The child continued to scream and cry.

Blackness. Kathryn opened her eyes and saw she lay on the floor in a pitch dark room. "It's not your fault," she murmured, but it was the child's voice, not hers, that came to her ears. Her head was killing her... what was going wrong? She sat up. "It's not your fault," she said again. "Karen? Where are you?"

But it was a boy's voice who answered. "Computer, emergency transport to sickbay."

As the transporter took her, the blue light cast faint illuminations over the bridge.


	5. Games

_(A/N: Sorry for the slow updates. I'm coming along slowly, but surely!)_

**Chapter Five: Games**

**---  
**

"It looks like this entire ordeal could take longer than a few weeks, Commander," The Doctor slipped the scanner back into the medical tricorder. "Especially if everyone responds the way the Captain did, or worse."

The girl held her pounding head as she sat on the edge of a biobed, legs dangling.

"With any luck, they won't," said the boy.

"But we should still be careful of anyone who _might_," said the Doctor. "According to those records you gave me three months ago, sometimes the other children have worse reactions to the resurfacing of memories than the Captain had, and have to be taken into Repressal. We have a hundred and fifty people to save, Commander. We need the captain intact."

"What happened?" murmured the girl.

The Doctor sighed, putting down his tricorder. "You had a flashback," he said. "A rather violent one, by the sounds of it. What do you recall?"

"I don't even know who the heck I am at the moment," said the girl.

"In general? Or are we talking a mixing of identities?"

"The latter," said the girl. She glanced down – and stiffened upon the sight of green scales. Green... like the intruders'. "I feel like both, but none."

"I see," judging by the tone of his voice, the Doctor didn't. "Well, Commander, do we have a plan?"

"I'm open to ideas."

"Firstly," said the Doctor. "We need to get either Kathryn Janeway or Karen Janet in control. We need to give her a solid identity to work with until things are better. Judging by her reactions to Janeway's persona coming forward, she may be less resistant with Janet's. I recommend you call her that until all is under control."

"Understood. Secondly?"

"I need you to break into Repressal and recover anything you might think useful to me. _Anything_. Drugs they use, files, records – anything that can help me. Drugs would be better, but files and history can help too. Pretend you need another round and scout it out beforehand – you're immune to their drugs now, correct?"

"Yes."

"Then try to do that," said the Doctor.

"I grow immune to the medication they give me very easily," said Janie. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. "Anything I can do?"

"It's not the same as the drugs they actually _use_ in Repressal," said the Doctor. "With any luck and with dedicated research, I should be able to formulate an antidote. And, most importantly…" he eyed Janie. "find out how exactly they got you into new, functioning bodies."

"Mam said we had our DNA reformulated," said Janie. "To match our parents' DNA entirely."

The Doctor rose his eyebrows. "I heard _that_ - but DNA engineering of this level on a live patient? I need that information so I can learn to do it myself. Federation DNA engineering is nothing like that…" seeing Janie's confused look, he quickly explained, "DNA engineering is possible within the Federation, but not to this extent. I imagine it's quite a delicate process they've got down pat… and in any case, we have some more questions - how is it that you were able to become a baby, when you had the body mass of an adult? Where did all those extra molecules _go_? And why are you able to grow? They would have to have advanced technology to do something this well."

"Not well enough," murmured Janie. "We can still remember. However much they can suppress us, they can't _delete_ memories."

"I think they're still working on that," said Jacko. "I wouldn't be surprised if they were, in any case."

The Doctor looked tired, all of a sudden, in spite of his holographic state. "How can _one_ simple hologram who's nowhere near as advanced as the Kariins undo the work of so many?"

"We'll find a way," said Jacko. "We need to get this crew home. To its _real_ home. We've wasted enough time." He glanced to Janie. "She's the first person who's been relatively close to remembering, with the exception of B'Elanna."

"B'Elanna's the one who reacts violently," said the Doctor, glancing at Janie.

"Speaking of home," said Janie. "Can I go back now?"

"You'll have to walk," said the Doctor. "We can't risk the Kariins detecting a transport. They can't detect transports from inside the museum because of adjustments we have made - dampening fields, a technology they don't have which they are unaware of - but we can't risk transporting _outside_ of it."

"I see," said Janie. "What time is it?"

"Past midnight," said the Doctor.

"Only?" said Janie. The Doctor nodded.

"Let's go," said Jacko, helping her off the biobed. He glanced to the Doctor, then at Janie. "We'll come back tomorrow."

"Commander, that might not…" the Doctor's eyes slid back to Janie.

"I'll be fine," said Janie. "We can work out a plan of action to infiltrate Repressal then."

"I think our original plan is good enough," said the Doctor, following them to the door. Jacko turned and threw something to him. The Doctor caught the device in one hand – "Don't throw my mobile emitter around!" He let out a sigh, put it on and followed.

Janie went ahead of them into the access tubes, and Jacko's voice echoed to her from behind. "In Repressal, they'd have too tight an eye on me. We would have to sneak in. But I can take a look around, if nothing else. We'll have to hope they just give me medicine and not the video treatment."

_Video treatment?_ Janie was going to ask, but her mind felt foggy with exhaustion. "Can we work that out tomor - later today?" said Janie. "I'll be home."

"I've still got school," said Jacko. The Doctor snorted - a sound which matched Jacko's derisive tone. "I'll drop by right after. I hope my 'parents' won't get suspicious."

"Make sure you get enough sleep," said the Doctor.

"I'll skip dinner tonight for sleep," said Jacko. The Doctor said nothing, but Janie probably thought he wasn't too happy with the idea..

They crawled out of the Jeffries tubes, and an idea struck Janie. "Why not install holoemitters in the transport room?"

"Can't," said Jacko. "We'd still need holoemitters in the Jeffries tubes as well, and the corridors, so that the Doctor could get down."

"Ah. Is he on all the time? Doesn't that draw power?"

"No," said Jacko. "The computer has a timer which turns him on and off every night."

When they made it to the transport room, the Doctor beamed them out. Exhaustion dogged Janie's steps.

It took them an hour and a half to get home. Jacko saw her to her yard, and Janie slipped inside the house. She clawed her way up the stairs and into her room as silently as possible, her knuckles whitening as she gripped the banister. She closed her door behind her, and without undressing, she fell onto the bed, snuggling down.

Her eyes closed, and the real darkness came.

--

"You slept in quite a bit," said Mam when Janie came down the stairs later that morning. "I'm making lunch - I was going to wake you soon. Did you have a good sleep?"

Janie nodded.

"Do you want to start your medication today?"

"This afternoon."

When afternoon came, however, she remembered Jacko's impending visit - the visit _Kathryn_ had planned. Dread settled in her stomach, and she told Mam, "I'm going to explore the town for a while, until dinner, is that okay?"

Mam looked up in surprise. "I guess I should've seen this coming," she murmured. "I don't think the town would appreciate your wild ways."

The comment stung, and the surprise that Mam would deny her anything made her blink. "I miss Spindle," said Janie. "They didn't mind if I walked around at all kinds of odd hours then."

Mam just smiled grimly. "As long as you're back by dark," she said.

_Jacko should be gone by then._ Janie tried not to remember the fact that Jacko knew which room was hers. She raided the cupboard for snacks, slipping them into her pocket, then escaped to the front verandah. She jogged in the opposite direction to Jacko's house – towards the school.

She settled into a hiding place in a bush in time for the last shrieking alarm to emanate from the education facility, prompting students to spill from the grounds. It wasn't until she saw Jacko leave the school – on his own, while others left in groups – and vanish from sight that she relaxed. Even so, she hid for an hour as the grounds emptied, before she continued walking.

She hadn't been on this side of town before. The children had passed long beforehand, leaving the streets deserted. The town was small, but Spindle had been smaller, and the emptiness made goosebumps rise on her arms.

She missed Spindle. There, the children played on the streets just for the hell of it, all times of day. They had little technology. The Old Ones stationed there, and the Janets, were the only people with technology.

If only Spindle wasn't too far away to walk.

By now, Jacko probably lay sleeping in his own house. Even if Catherine – _Mam_, Janie told herself – had told him she would be back by dinner, he wasn't going to miss sleep over it, especially with a child's body.

She scowled._ "Child's body". Of course I'm going to say that. We are children.  
_

In a year, they wouldn't be anymore. They'd be twelve-years, and assigned to a job in the community or in the Center, preparing the city for a new generation of stolen children.

_Cloned children. Cloned._

_Maybe I can convince the Old Ones to let me go to Spindle when I'm old enough…_ her parents had done it, after all. They'd escaped the Old Ones and the rules, and spirited her away to the northern mountains.

But then, when Spindle gained new children, the culture would change all over again, and the beloved village as she had known it would be gone.

_This is one heck of a holodeck_, said Kathryn's voice in her head.

Janie stopped in her tracks. That was the first time all day she'd heard her, in spite of the lack of medication, and she'd forgotten all about the urges to return to the_ Stranded._

_Its name is Voyager._

_You're not supposed to talk!_

_Watch me._

Janie let out a low hiss and continued, looking up at all the evenly-spaced houses. Soon she would pass them, and they would give way to commercial and industrial buildings. Once again, Janie felt a pang for Spindle. _That's home. More than any "Earth", more than any "Voyager". More than anywhere can be._ It had never mattered where in the tiny village she was, as long as she had flakes spinning from the sky and snow crunching underfoot, a place where the sun set just after three in the afternoon all year around and even the dawn slept in.

_Don't they have seasons here?_ asked Kathryn.

What the heck was a season?

_Shut up_, said Janie.

_You're not being terribly polite._

_I said __shut up__!_

No response.

What infuriated Janie the most was that Kathryn didn't sound bitter at all. Or angry. Grimly amused, perhaps. She sounded as if she was biding her time…

She could feel Kathryn's presence, eluding authority, but Kathryn didn't remark on that last thought.

_Screw it. I'm taking my medication the second I get home._

Suddenly, Janie couldn't wait to turn around.

"Hey, Janie!"

_Perhaps not now._ Janie glanced behind her, blinking, to see two children. She hadn't heard their footsteps while absorbed in her thoughts, though now they echoed against the houses in the otherwise empty street.

"Heeey!" said the brunette. "Remember me? I heard you got suspended! Jacko told me you preferred being called Janie, is that true?"

"Yeah," said Janie. "Bella?"

"Mhmm!"

"Oof!" said the boy beside Bella as she grabbed him casually by the collar and dragged him over.

"Tim French," said Bella. "He had detention when you were here on Monday, remember?"

_Tom Paris_, said Kathryn. But before the woman could say another word, Janie mentally shoved her away.

"Yeah, I remember," Janie, and her mouth stretched into a wavering smile. "What're you doing here?"

"After school detention," said Bella cheerfully. "_Looooong_ detention. We punched each other and the teachers didn't like it."

Janie thought she heard Kathryn laughing, and Janie felt herself smile. "You punch each other?"

"All the time!" Bella pulled Tim in front of her and socked him in the side of the head. He fell to the pavement – and Janie jumped back – but the boy was laughing.

"They're idiots," Tim said, holding out a hand. Bella pulled him up. "Bella's a little…" he licked his lips, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, and leaning on her as he looked into the sky as if to think of a word. "… _violent_, but she's never done anything permanent."

"Maybe close, a few times," said Bella.

"Scared the hell out of everyone when we started school, d'you remember?" Tim looked to Janie. "She punched everyone all the time, and occasionally she has those fits, mmm. But I made friends with her! Turns out those punches are just punches of affection!"

"So you're best friends?" said Janie. They were _odd_.

Bella smiled, and Janie felt a slight pang at the brightness in her eyes – or was it Kathryn? Bella nodded. "Yeah," she said, putting her arm around Tim's waist. For other children, they were almost as affectionate as some of the adults had been in Spindle. "We're about to head over to my house for dinner, d'you want to come?"

Janie's eyes wandered to the still-bright sky. "You have an early dinner?"

"Yep."

"Okay," said Janie, shrugging. "I'm not expected home 'til it gets dark, anyway."

"Great!" Bella came up to Janie, and put her other arm around Janie's shoulders. Smiling, Janie mimicked the movement, putting her arm over Tim's. "Mam loves it when I have visitors. Not that she doesn't like Tim, but she likes doting on people. Wishes she could have had more children, but the chance has never cropped up."

How much did these children know about what Jacko had told her? "No chance?" said Janie. "What do you mean?"

She inwardly shot a glare at Kathryn. She could have sworn that the _human_ made her ask.

"Nobody ever told you?" Bella glanced to her. "Well, we don't know entirely how it works – we're not supposed to for another year – but they don't have another set of embryos ready, so we're pretty much all going to be only children. Mam told me a little bit about it."

"Oh," said Janie. Something tugged at her slightly, and she thought that Kathryn seemed a little sad… Janie shoved the adult aside.

_Figment of my imagination. Figment of my imagination. Figment of my imagination._

They chattered on as they lumbered towards Bella's home, until Tim asked about Spindle – and to the surprise of all three of them, Janie felt herself coming out of her shell as she talked about the daily snow, the pregnant clouds that always hung above them, the flickering torches in the streets, the fifteen-years who now had jobs in the village or had migrated to the Center (an enormous city built for the purpose of industrial work), the wooden houses with coats of white on their peaked roofs, the festivals that lasted well into the night, the dilapidated and overgrown road that led from the village…

"You didn't have flushing _toilets_?" said Bella.

"I think they're kind of scary," muttered Janie. "They're so _loud_. And I don't like the sonic showers."

"You didn't take _showers_?" said Bella.

"Awesome!" said Tim.

"We had baths instead," said Janie.

"What's a bath?" said Bella.

"A tub of hot water. Usually, though, we'd pour buckets of water over ourselves – "

"You washed yourself in _water_?" Bella sounded even more horrified than before. "But we _drink_ that!"

"We did, too, but not the same water," Janie shrugged. "That's just how we did it. And I miss it. You'd like a hot bath, they're really nice and relaxing. We didn't have running water, but this village we were in contact with did. They were going to start installing it this year."

"_No running water?_"

And so the interrogations continued. Janie felt glad to tell them everything she could about Spindle, though a feeling of homesickness weighted her chest down. She told them about the stars, going on about the beauty of the pinpricks of light high above Spindle, how she and a couple of the boys used to sit out on a hill near Spindle with telescopes, aimed at the heavens…

Then she suddenly stopped.

"Go on?" said Bella.

But Janie shook her head. "There's nothing more to say."

She'd give anything to forget the holograms. What did _real_ stars look like? Were they any more beautiful?

Would they ever see them?

Did she even _want to_? Once again, she felt Kathryn inside her - mourning. Yearning. It was the yearning that Janie felt most of all. She shook her head and swept it away.

--

Janie warmed up instantly to Mrs Torson. Mr Torson spent most of his time buried in a book – reminding her oddly of Sylvia – but Mrs Torson chatted on amicably.

"I'm really glad to see you back in town," she said to Janie. "I haven't seen you since you were a little girl! How was Spindle?"

And so Janie found herself describing her _real_ home, or so she liked to think, all over again. This time, her heart wasn't in it.

"You left out the best part!" said Bella, fishing in one of the cupboards as Mrs Torson stirred something on the stove. "They washed themselves with _water_!"

Mr Torson's lip curled in amusement behind his book, and Mrs Torson looked horrified. "But we _drink_ that!"

"That's what I said!"

"What are they going to do next, wash their hair in lemonade?" Mrs Torson clicked her tongue, shaking her head. Mr Torson cut off a guffaw. "Admit it, you're eavesdropping!"

"Eavesdropping on what?" said Mr Torson innocently, flicking his eyes up before returning them to his book.

"You have medication?" said Janie, when she saw Bella with a hypospray. Bella looked to her, looking caught out, and nodded.

"Yes," said Mrs Torson. "Poor girl gets… temper problems."

Bella shrugged, applying the hypospray to her neck. She shoved it back in the cupboard and slammed the door closed before anyone could say anything, and flitted from the room.

"She's a bit sensitive about it," said Tim.

"I'm guessing you were in after school detention today because of the temper?" said Mrs Torson. She clicked her tongue again. "I forgot to tell her the Old Ones want her to double the dose…"

"She's been in Repressal?" Janie felt her curiosity pique.

Mrs Torson glanced to her. "They administer all medication here," she said. "They don't in Spindle?"

"There's only a couple of Old Ones in Spindle," said Janie. "I had different medication there, but I'm trying something new here, too."

"What do you know," Mrs Torson smiled. She rose her voice. "Bella, darling, Janie has medication too."

"You do?" Bella peered around the corner, and Janie almost laughed; she hadn't gone far after all!

"Yeah," said Janie. "It's why I left school in the middle of class yesterday, 'cause I hadn't had any for a few days on account of moving and my immune system adapting to the old medication…"

"Oh!" said Bella. "Is that what you do when you relapse? Funny things like that?"

"Yeah," said Janie. "I start acting really weird. Not violent, but weird."

Bella smiled. "Glad I'm not the only one anymore," she said. "Jacko used to take medication, but he doesn't anymore, did you know that?"

"No," said Janie.

"He stopped a couple of years after you moved away," said Bella.

Mrs Torson's dinner was delicious, and for a couple of hours afterwards Tim and Bella dug out some board games and herded Janie upstairs into Bella's room. Janie lost herself in time, laughing and chatting with them both. If she forgot about the artificial carpet under her knees, and the printed words and colours on the game, and her environment, she could have been in Spindle again…

It was a while before she jerked up her head and realised, with horror, it was eight thirty. "I need to go home!" she said. "I was expected there hours ago!"

"Oops," said Bella. She tried not to smile and failed, looking sheepishly to Tim.

"Shit!" said Tim, before his hand quickly flew over his mouth. Bella whacked him.

"Don't you need to be home too?" said Janie, looking to Tim.

Tim just shrugged. "They don't care where I am most of the time, so long as I go to school," he said. "I'll probably sleep over again."

"Yay!" said Bella. "I'd ask you to sleep over as well," she looked to Janie. "But I think your parents are probably going to be pretty angry."

Hoping Jacko was still asleep, Janie grimaced. "Yeah. They don't usually get angry – well, Da does, but Mam stops him most of the time – but even now, Mam's going to be pretty mad."

"Better get going," Bella threw her arms around Janie. "I'm glad you're back! It was really fun to play with you!"

"Yeah!" suddenly Tim joined the fray with wide-open arms, and Janie's mouth twitched in a smile, caught in the group hug. "When do you come back to school?"

"I've got two more days off," said Janie. "Then I'll be back. They didn't count the first day, Mam said."

"Yay!" said Bella.

"Lucky," said Tim. "You do something wrong, and you get time _off_ school! That's not fair!"

Janie grinned, patting him on the shoulder. "Bye, guys."

"Do you need someone to walk you home?" Bella stood up, brushing carpet fluff from her front.

"Nah, I think I can remember the way."

"It's dark."

Janie blinked. "And?"

"You might get hurt," said Bella. "Spindle was probably safe at night, but it's not so much here."

"I'll be fine," Janie smiled. "Thanks."

The only thing she would have to worry about was Jacko accosting her – but even then, he had no idea where she would be, as her parents didn't either. The thought of their impending fury had Janie grimacing, and as soon as she was out the front door and in the starlit street, she turned in the direction she remembered coming from and ran all the way, stitches be damned.


End file.
